fear of fear

“ I shouldn’t bother thinking of you anymore. The silly thing is, I barely think of you. You only to come mind when I feel alone. I picture you sitting next to me, and how we used to be.

I don’t remember all the pain you put me through and I can’t see the tears that formed multiple times throughout the relationship. I only see us, sitting on the bed curled around each other.

I try not to fall asleep, because you smell good and I don’t want to close my eyes and dream of something else. But eventually, I have to. My lids are too heavy to hold up any longer and your body is too warm against mine.

That’s it. That’s all I think about. Because then, being with you wasn’t such a waste of time. Thinking of you only makes me smile because of how ridiculously fun you were to be around.

And it’s a good thing I barely think of you, or else I would be still be crying. And crying just isn’t my style. ”

i dont dare to think of you.
i dont dare to.
'cause i will realise i'm trying to forget you
while i still miss you.

and i'll cry each time i do.