(in my life)

apart from rain,
you're the best thing in my life.

truth is

i miss you.

i never learnt how to.

“I have this theory that the more important and intimate the emotion, the fewer the words are required to express it. For instance, in dating, “Will you go out with me?” Six words. “I think I care for you.” Five words. “You matter to me.” Four words. “I love you.” Three words. “Marry me.” Two words. So what’s left? What’s the most important and intimate word you can ever say to somebody? It’s “goodbye.” ”

— ~ J. Michael Straczynski

if there was ever a reason

because,
loving you is what i was trying not to do.
not loving you is what i was trying to do.

fizzling away through the lights

not everything have to be clear.
somethings are best left blur.
cause i really dont want to know.

right hand drive

when can i see the world from behind the wheel?
dont make me lose passion for the wheels.
i still wanna go against the wind at 120.

which mattered more?

i pretend that you are here.
but im not happy.
because you cant be.

though im happy at the same time,
cause you arent here.

reverberation

because the person meant something to you.

the significance is correlated to the strength of the words.

same for when its hurtful words.

made of concrete, perhaps.

sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,

but to see who cares enough to break them down.

there was no truth in it

“I don’t want to lose you.’ His voice almost a whisper. Seeing his haggard expression, she took his hand and squeezed it, then reluctantly let it go. She could feel the tears again, and she fought them back. ‘But you don’t want to keep me, either, do you?’ To that, he had no response ” 

--Nicholas Sparks (The Rescue)

I'm sure you didnt mean it when you said
"You wont lose me."

with no map in hand

Where's the exit. I cant find it. That's why.

on the contrary

Damn it. I cant even feel you when you are near.

the difficult matter.

“Perhaps the most difficult choices to make are the ones that deny us what our heart wants most, because as it’s been said, without reason and without prudence, the heart wants what the heart wants, and more often than not, it will not be denied.”

Its when it matters alot that nothing is fine.
Your heart would not listen,
neither will it give in.
Denial is a pretence.
We never accept not having what our heart wants anyway.

pot calling the kettle black.

“Boys are stupid. We should throw rocks at them.”
— A wise 5-year-old

And we sometimes doubt the intelligence of the 5 year olds.
They may not be that ignorant afterall.
Maybe the 25 year olds are the silly ones.

the contrast effect.

when it is dark enough, you can see the stars.

all i want for christmas

both times.
BOTH TIMES.

both promises failed.

DONT LET ME GO THROUGH IT AGAIN.

please.

i told myself to forget

, and i did.

ruined

im very sorry i failed.

back to null.

it will all end one day?

cant you end it now?!

a hundred words filled.

im giving you one more chance,
before i give up hoping.

sing that song for you.

happy birthday to you.

i dont want to win.

i make a silent bet

that he(s) wont remember.

but i make another silent bet

that im not gonna be right this time again.

thats all i want

i wont trade the world for this
unless i have you opposite me.

i'll find my way

forgive me if you may not find me.

i've moved on.

against my heart's desire.

emptified.

in the darkest corner,
we hold our fears,
but we fear our fears.

scribbled truth

she never believed what was good for her,
that maybe leaving was the only way to free herself.

despite the lights shining brightly

i found myself in the dark alley,
all alone and lost.
but at least, i found myself.

lack of storage space

i was the keeper,

keeping what wasnt meant to be kept.

revisited.

even though it hurts everytime,
im telling you now that i miss you.
its just that you can never hear me.

, me.

the way i signed off each time.

there's no Forever,
there's only Always.

Always, me.

let go.

i wrote my last wishes for you.
they were not meant to be hold.
let go.

emancipation from ohfiveoheight.

“… You want something with me. You just aren’t strong enough to [admit] it, which in a way makes you a coward. And the saddest part is that one day, you’re gonna wake up and you’re gonna realize what you missed and it’s gonna be too late.”

i found this on the datestamp that belongs to you.
i think you've missed me.
i knew it belong to you,
but i didnt know they would ring so loud.
you're a coward alright.
those times, i always believe
or rather i chose to believe, you wanted something,
but didnt dare to admit it.

hear my heart brake

you dont want. just want casual.
hold hands. you tell me thats casual.
we're just friends
thats bullshit.
come clean. tell the truth.
yo're just afraid of getting attached.
commitment. responsibility. you want none of these.
and so you left.
silently.
but the silent departure was loud.
i could hear the loud slam.
i could hear the loud heartbreak.
i could hear your non existent goodbye.

in the cinema, i dont see you anymore.
in the supermarket, i dont see you anymore.
in me, i dont see you anymore.
in you, i dont see me at all.

carry me on your shoulders

i have nothing to be afraid of

when im standing on the shoulder of the giant

i'll sing my song

this may be the reason,

why im constantly singing.

hear me,

maybe you'd hear what i want to tell you.

its a long way down

i'll be there to catch, when you come crashing.

i cant promise,

but i'll try not to miss.

the soft whimper

i dont like them under the table,

i dont like them brushing against me.

maybe simply im afraid i'll kick them accidentally.

chapter seven

you're a story i cant tell anymore.

the irony of reality

all that's left behind
is what we cannot grasp.

negative correlation to life.

“As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you’d always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it. ”
— Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie)

i have yet to reach twenty two,
but im apprehensive about the arrival of the day.
its growth no doubt,
but its making a huge impact on life.

cracked up mind

we need to do better than this,

though you are just a line too far.

i cant help it that you are within reach,

but i cant reach out.

i cant cross that line.

Narcissist

most importantly,

dont forget me.

the next topic

“That was it: I expected something back. I expected something in return, some acknowledgement, anything really. Friendships also come to an end eventually and I’m deeply, deeply sad and sorry that ours has found its end. I didn’t want to go on without ever hearing from you again, but I guess we’re both too tired? You’re too tired to bother, I’m too tired to keep trying… I thought we would overcome everything this time, I really did, for the sake of all the great things that we’ve had together, but someone said “[…] don’t do anything expecting something back, sometimes you just have to accept it’s over and move on […]” or something along those lines. Acceptance doesn’t make it less hard, but I’m accepting, little by little. Sometimes I just miss your laugh when I say something stupid, then I think of it instead of saying it out loud and my heart skips a bit… You’re missed, just so you know if someday it makes any difference.”

this is what im feeling,
and you're just another tabletop story now,
though you're missed.

whats the number

i need something call hope

cause thats about the only thing that can pull me through

get me through the line.

how do parallels meet

“its as if we're heading off in the same direction
sharing the same orbit
if we both stay on the path and dont stray
we'll see each other again someday.”
-Naked Weapon

running on the same orbit,
somehow, i think its not possible to meet.
'cos there's no intersection.

albeit just for a while

i want to, i need to.

i have to.

before i cannot take it anymore.

constantly moved.

it is an action word.

be good to yourself

“i think i figured it out.

i do need to let go. there are so many things i’m still holding on to that i need to just let go of. and it needs to start with the summer before last.
i need to get rid of everything i’m still holding on to. burn those memories into the ground. find a new, better outlook on my life. start caring again. more importantly, start caring about myself and my family. start creating goals and meeting them. fix relationships. make new ones. tell the truth about how i really feel.

i just need to start over, and start better.

i’m not sure how i’m going to do that. but i know i have to. i have to start helping myself before i try fixing everyone else’s life. i need to find strength in who i am.

i need to find the good in myself. ”

sometimes,
all we need is just to breathe.
then we flip the card,
and start all over.
you are better than what you think.

you have me with you

i wish things werent so hard on you,

therefore i dropped on you softly,

just to hear from you.

why is it so hard to believe

in fact,
i care when you dont care.
i care that you dont care.

self fulfilling prophecy

i told everyone that i didnt like you,

so that i can convince myself i didnt.