all i want for christmas

both times.
BOTH TIMES.

both promises failed.

DONT LET ME GO THROUGH IT AGAIN.

please.

i told myself to forget

, and i did.

ruined

im very sorry i failed.

back to null.

it will all end one day?

cant you end it now?!

a hundred words filled.

im giving you one more chance,
before i give up hoping.

sing that song for you.

happy birthday to you.

i dont want to win.

i make a silent bet

that he(s) wont remember.

but i make another silent bet

that im not gonna be right this time again.

thats all i want

i wont trade the world for this
unless i have you opposite me.

i'll find my way

forgive me if you may not find me.

i've moved on.

against my heart's desire.

emptified.

in the darkest corner,
we hold our fears,
but we fear our fears.

scribbled truth

she never believed what was good for her,
that maybe leaving was the only way to free herself.

despite the lights shining brightly

i found myself in the dark alley,
all alone and lost.
but at least, i found myself.

lack of storage space

i was the keeper,

keeping what wasnt meant to be kept.

revisited.

even though it hurts everytime,
im telling you now that i miss you.
its just that you can never hear me.

, me.

the way i signed off each time.

there's no Forever,
there's only Always.

Always, me.

let go.

i wrote my last wishes for you.
they were not meant to be hold.
let go.

emancipation from ohfiveoheight.

“… You want something with me. You just aren’t strong enough to [admit] it, which in a way makes you a coward. And the saddest part is that one day, you’re gonna wake up and you’re gonna realize what you missed and it’s gonna be too late.”

i found this on the datestamp that belongs to you.
i think you've missed me.
i knew it belong to you,
but i didnt know they would ring so loud.
you're a coward alright.
those times, i always believe
or rather i chose to believe, you wanted something,
but didnt dare to admit it.

hear my heart brake

you dont want. just want casual.
hold hands. you tell me thats casual.
we're just friends
thats bullshit.
come clean. tell the truth.
yo're just afraid of getting attached.
commitment. responsibility. you want none of these.
and so you left.
silently.
but the silent departure was loud.
i could hear the loud slam.
i could hear the loud heartbreak.
i could hear your non existent goodbye.

in the cinema, i dont see you anymore.
in the supermarket, i dont see you anymore.
in me, i dont see you anymore.
in you, i dont see me at all.

carry me on your shoulders

i have nothing to be afraid of

when im standing on the shoulder of the giant

i'll sing my song

this may be the reason,

why im constantly singing.

hear me,

maybe you'd hear what i want to tell you.

its a long way down

i'll be there to catch, when you come crashing.

i cant promise,

but i'll try not to miss.

the soft whimper

i dont like them under the table,

i dont like them brushing against me.

maybe simply im afraid i'll kick them accidentally.

chapter seven

you're a story i cant tell anymore.

the irony of reality

all that's left behind
is what we cannot grasp.

negative correlation to life.

“As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you’d always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it. ”
— Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie)

i have yet to reach twenty two,
but im apprehensive about the arrival of the day.
its growth no doubt,
but its making a huge impact on life.

cracked up mind

we need to do better than this,

though you are just a line too far.

i cant help it that you are within reach,

but i cant reach out.

i cant cross that line.

Narcissist

most importantly,

dont forget me.

the next topic

“That was it: I expected something back. I expected something in return, some acknowledgement, anything really. Friendships also come to an end eventually and I’m deeply, deeply sad and sorry that ours has found its end. I didn’t want to go on without ever hearing from you again, but I guess we’re both too tired? You’re too tired to bother, I’m too tired to keep trying… I thought we would overcome everything this time, I really did, for the sake of all the great things that we’ve had together, but someone said “[…] don’t do anything expecting something back, sometimes you just have to accept it’s over and move on […]” or something along those lines. Acceptance doesn’t make it less hard, but I’m accepting, little by little. Sometimes I just miss your laugh when I say something stupid, then I think of it instead of saying it out loud and my heart skips a bit… You’re missed, just so you know if someday it makes any difference.”

this is what im feeling,
and you're just another tabletop story now,
though you're missed.

whats the number

i need something call hope

cause thats about the only thing that can pull me through

get me through the line.

how do parallels meet

“its as if we're heading off in the same direction
sharing the same orbit
if we both stay on the path and dont stray
we'll see each other again someday.”
-Naked Weapon

running on the same orbit,
somehow, i think its not possible to meet.
'cos there's no intersection.

albeit just for a while

i want to, i need to.

i have to.

before i cannot take it anymore.

constantly moved.

it is an action word.

be good to yourself

“i think i figured it out.

i do need to let go. there are so many things i’m still holding on to that i need to just let go of. and it needs to start with the summer before last.
i need to get rid of everything i’m still holding on to. burn those memories into the ground. find a new, better outlook on my life. start caring again. more importantly, start caring about myself and my family. start creating goals and meeting them. fix relationships. make new ones. tell the truth about how i really feel.

i just need to start over, and start better.

i’m not sure how i’m going to do that. but i know i have to. i have to start helping myself before i try fixing everyone else’s life. i need to find strength in who i am.

i need to find the good in myself. ”

sometimes,
all we need is just to breathe.
then we flip the card,
and start all over.
you are better than what you think.

you have me with you

i wish things werent so hard on you,

therefore i dropped on you softly,

just to hear from you.

why is it so hard to believe

in fact,
i care when you dont care.
i care that you dont care.

self fulfilling prophecy

i told everyone that i didnt like you,

so that i can convince myself i didnt.

almost lover

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

- Almost Lover / A Fine Frenzy

now that, im out of your life,
and you are out of mine,
tell me, are you happy?
were you happy?

managing a feeble smile

Aren't you glad you didn't stay with me
Bohemian life and instability
You went off to university
And you took your love away from me
Endless nights, lovers, friends and fun
Big-City lights, your new life had begun

And as the world turns on and on
Love is lost and love is won,
laughed and cried when we were young
You went your own way.
I survived
And did you ever see everything inside of me?

So now you live your life in luxury
Double glazing, turbo washing machine
And your fiance is boring as hell
You never laugh, you're both professional
You know that film.
That I'd started to write?
It's a box-office smash, I'm on the next flight
To get my award on TV tonight
Looking back,
I think I've done alright

And as the world turns on and on
Love is lost and love is won,
laughed and cried when we were young
You went your own way.
I survived
And did you ever see everything inside of me?

And as the world turns on and on
Love is lost and love is won, laughed and cried when we were young
You went your own way.
I survived
And did you ever see everything inside of me?

Oh, aren't you glad you didn't stay.
Oh aren't you glad you didn't stay with me?
Oh, aren't you glad you didn't stay with me?
You didn't want my love,
So aren't you glad, aren't you glad, aren't you glad?
Aren't you glad, aren't you glad,
Aren't you glad, aren't you glad

-Arent you glad / Eason chan.

i cant say for you,
but im glad for myself
when i break myself free of you.

not the case for me.

i run my best,

my very best,

away from you.

you cant see the end, can you?

Don't tell me the sky is the limit
when there are footprints on the moon!

because of you

sillyness overflowing

and i cant stop smiling.

this should last

still awaiting your next kiss,

'cause the previous lingers.

only one for me

with my happy feet,

im going on a search for my happy seat.

if we promise to,

, this is a lifetime issue.

containment

back then,

a hundred stars i folded for you,

a million love they went into.

the fingers bled

and then, you fled.

a thousand miles apart

there are times when i miss a particular place alot,

a manifestation of withdrawal syndromes,

even though it was so long ago,

i really dont mind returning.

bring me along anytime.

take the step

move away,

right away from the spot which hurts the most.

if anywhere else gonna hurt,

it will be less than the spot which hurts the most.

just to be told

“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction. ”
— Chuck Palahniuk

We all need to be assured sometime, that we are worth more than just a presence.

because you love it

every time i see a vespa, you come into mind.

its almost as though i can see you driving a vespa.

hang in there babe,

learn how to exercise emotional distancing,

or burn out much sooner than expected

4054530968

you are a need,

not a want.

drenched

only in the rain,
that i cant get too sure if that was the rain or the tears
or rather, i dont need to be sure which was what.

rain in the eyes.

im fine.

if it doesnt,

im only happy when it rains,

so can it rain now?

please?

dont be lost

battered and torn,

i cant find the strength to go on.

where's my return trail?

aint nothing but a heartbreak

the old you.

or the old me which had you?